“Hmmm, that elusive Why? Pretty sure the answer I would have given at silly o’clock in the morning on 1st June 2018 would have been very vague and involved something along the lines of “I’m not sleeping anyhow” and “Why not?”, to something with a bit more self awareness, given the benefit of time and a good few thousand foot fuelled kilometres of reflection.
In all reality I’ve no idea why that morning was the morning. It really didn’t seem special at the time, but it was the first step and any change starts with a singular first step, right?
I’d become unsure of who I was anymore, as being ‘Mum’ had been a massive part of my identity. My teenage daughter was managing stress in ways I struggled to understand and didn’t know how to help with, my job (whilst I love it with a passion) was swallowing me whole, sleep was continually elusive, maybe some degree of freaking out about getting older and wanting to live to 100, and give my body and mind the best chance of complying, not just existing.
Running, even from the first half a kilometre jaunt to the end of my road and walking home, provided something that was just mine, with results being determined only by me. Clocking over the kilometres provides the chance to either not think at all beyond breathing and moving forward one step at a time, or space to let things settle and to think more clearly. It’s funny that it can do both.
Right from the start running made me feel better, even when it was ridiculously hard (and still is sometimes). About six months in, I convinced my daughter to join Heart and Sole, an incredible ladies run group in Tauranga. To say it’s changed my world doesn’t even come close to summing it up! The tribe of wahine toa that it connected me with are like none I’d ever had the privilege of being part of and I’m blessed to name many of them among my besties now. We laugh together, cry together and build each other up without reservation. So many of the crazy ass goals and adventures we sign ourselves up for start off as ‘any given day run chats’. My first ultra (Tarawera 50km 2021) came about exactly that way, after Robyn M (she’s signed up many, many unwitting victims) said “You could totally do the TUM50, it’s like a giant party.”
The road to get there was far from friggin smooth and that doesn’t even include Covid. Like many rookies I nudged up the mileage too quickly and had what appeared to be a calf tear in my right leg, rehabbed that, and back on the horse. Here is where I’ll have to admit to being a slow learner I guess, as what felt similar happened in my left leg not long after. Turns out though it wasn’t a calf tear it was a stress fracture just below my knee. A little more investigation, including bone density scans brought to light osteopenia, thankfully not an end to my ultra journey but a serious kick in the butt to train smarter. I joined Squadrun, expanding the tribe of awesome people in what I was fast learning was an epic trail community in NZ, and strength work through Beyond Physio and Fitness – yes you guessed it even more fab peeps!
Trail running builds and restores every facet of my hauora, from simple dog jogs with our two rescue pups, Hilli (she’d run until she died) and Archie (the social runner who wants to chat to everyone), around our local Buffalo Girl trail at Tect Park, to events and adventures across our gorgeous country.
Ultra running has been and continues to be the most humbling of experiences – pushing to see what the body and mind is capable of, friends and family and often relative strangers banding together to support one and other, and encouraging people to do way more than they thought they’re capable of. My incredible partner Phil thought he might max out around the half marathon mark, and he is now two 50km ultras down, with a 50miler in mind and well within his capability.
It’s commonplace for my running bestie, Ruth, and I to cross the line and cry happy tears, quite possibly having cried a few tears (and used a few choice cuss words) earlier in our runs too. I’m very lucky to have found a run-bestie who is a similar pace, loves crazy adventures (at least once she’s had a bit of time to think about ideas thrown her way and the very real risk of FOMO) and who can spend hour upon hour upon hour flowing between solving the problems of the world to companionable silences. We are a couple of 50kms, a 70km, two 100km and multiple other adventures in with many more to come. I think if I could offer any sort of useful life advice to others it would be something like this: Find your tribe, find something that builds as many aspects of your hauora as possible, and look up and see the world around you.
Today my ‘why’ is much clearer. Running, especially trail running, makes me a better person; connected, calmer, happier, healthier and better able to navigate the ups and downs that life throws my way. In 2022, when one of my favourite people lost his battle with mental illness, I worked my way through the grieving process by running miles for him, for his wife (my childhood friend of over 40 years), for his beautiful children, and for myself. My attempt at the TUM Miler in 2024 will be a celebration of life, of seeing what’s possible, of working through the shite stuff, of supporting and being supported and of whatever else comes. I’ll be running the miles myself, but I know I’m not alone.”
Katreena @kitkat_running_wild
(Tauranga)
Photo taken at Tekapo
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