“I first started running during my psychology doctorate. Before that I’d got into the gym, but probably more for aesthetic reasons than anything else. Clinical Psychology training was incredibly stressful: you’re being evaluated all of the time and it took up so much headspace. I needed something that was just for me. My partner at the time was really into running, so I thought maybe I’ll just give it a go and see if it’s something that I enjoy too.
I started off running around the block. I remember the first time I ran 3km without stopping, and feeling like a superstar, thinking:, “Oh my God, I can run 3k, how amazing is this?” Running was really different to any other form of exercise I’d done before. I think because I tend to have quite a busy brain, it was probably one of the only spaces where that busyness began to quiet down, and it just developed into being my happy place. It was where I could problem solve, and things that were stressful, didn’t feel so stressful anymore. It was also an opportunity to be in the moment and forget about everything else; just focus on running and moving my body.
Around 2010-2011 I hadn’t been running very far, and I decided to run a half marathon. I thought “well, why not? Let’s give it a go and see if I can do it.” It sounded like a wild impossible distance back then, but I did it with a group of friends while I was in the UK. We all dressed up as superheroes; I dressed up as Wonder Woman and my friend was She-Ra, we had a Spider Man and a Superman and it was just heaps of fun – I loved it. I followed a programme and trained really, really hard and the race went by quite quickly. That made me fall in love with running and got me thinking, “well I’ve done a half, what if I did a full marathon?” So I signed up for the Berlin Marathon! That was amazing, because of the crowds, and the support, and getting to travel. I realised running marathons was a good reason to explore a new city, have a little holiday (and run as well).
I met other psychologists through my doctorate training and after I’d qualified, who were into running as well. We formed a little Psychologist running group and did heaps of road marathons together, Paris, Dublin and I’ve done London a couple of times too. I was definitely a road runner at the time. In London it’s a real effort to access wild nature spaces or trails!
Running was very much my happy space. It was time with friends. We all worked at hospitals at the time so we used to meet up after we’d finished some pretty challenging days and run home together (and then often go for pizza and wine!). It was just a really joyous fun thing to do and a way to unwind.
For me, I really enjoy the mental side of running and the mental challenge of it. You can go through so many different emotions and thoughts while running. You can totally go to the “dark side” and have an absolutely awful time, and then you can do exactly the same amount of training, work just as hard, run the exact same distance, but be in a really positive headspace, and have the best time ever. I find it so interesting how mindset impacts performance. And then there’s the human connection as well. I think that was probably what kept me running.
Also working in physical health, paediatrics, and with chronic illness, with people who couldn’t run – it just gave you a real appreciation and gratitude that you could do this, and you didn’t have to, it was a choice; that you can move your body and be so appreciative for what your body can do.
I moved to New Zealand in 2016 with my now husband. He is a Kiwi and poached me over, not that I needed too much convincing. I carried on with road marathons while living in Auckland, and then I saw the Tarawera 50km – it just popped up on Instagram and I thought, “oh that sounds exciting, I’ve never done that before!”
I had no idea how to train for a 50km, or elevation or on trails, but I just gave it a crack and loved it so much: the community around Tarawera, how beautiful it is, how far your two feet can carry you… and from there I completely converted to trail running. I 100% love the trails. There’s so much to it, the scenery and the places you can go, but it’s the people as well. I just think the trail community is so inclusive, embracing and friendly, and it feels like an entirely different attitude to running. When I was doing road running, my motivation was all about PB’s, pace, time and always wanting to get faster. Whereas trails for me feel supportive, always chatting to new people and being immersed in nature (as well as the mobile picnic).
I think I always had this drive to see what I can do. I did a few 50s and then thought “would it be crazy to try 100k?” I signed up to do the Taupō 100km and went into that thinking, “What am I doing? I have no concept of whether I can do this or how my body is going to cope!” But again, I had an awesome time and just loved it. There’s a photo of me when I came across the finish line, just looking so shocked that I’d made it there.
Then naturally, I thought, well, I’ve done 100k, let’s give a Miler a go. But I had no idea how to train for 160km, so that’s when I linked in with my coach, Vajin Armstrong, mid 2020. He’s still my coach and he’s awesome. The Miler is probably still my favourite experience. Definitely had some dark spaces and challenges within it. I hallucinated during the nighttime section – I saw, well, I thought I saw, sea turtles hatching eggs on the edge of the lake. The only reason that I didn’t go closer to what I thought were sea turtles (luckily, as it was probably the edge of a cliff) was that David Attenborough was in my head saying you’re not supposed to disturb them. So I carried on. I saw my crew at the next checkpoint and very enthusiastically told them what an amazing, special experience I’d had, witnessing sea turtles… I think they patted me on the head and said, “OK, eat some potatoes”. The Miler really emphasised how much ultramarathons are a team sport. There’s no way I could have got to the finish line without my crew.
It was that experience, the Miler, that made me want to get into sports psychology and have my own clinic. I think because you can train your body to a certain point, but you can’t get any further unless you train your mind as well. My experience in running led me to think about performance and mindset, as well as all the other things that impact athletes such as eating concerns, body image, feeling confident in your body, plus injury recovery, complex pain and mood.
After the Miler I had a while where I felt like everything’s easy now because I’ve done a Miler… Which is stupid because all distances are still a challenge and you still need to put in effort and training. I lacked motivation and lost a bit of my running mojo and went through a phase of not committing as much time to training, having an overly relaxed approach and then DNF-ing quite a lot.
When we moved to Christchurch a couple of years ago my focus shifted. It turned much more into going on adventures, going to different places, doing lots of tramping and just trying to say yes to fun things. At one point I was doing a race nearly every month in the North Island, so I backed off from that and just tried to appreciate running, nature and moving my body again; not always having to be thinking about the next thing!
Having said that, I’ve now just signed up for a flurry of ultras and races. I’ve had my little racing hiatus, I’ve enjoyed adventures and exploring the mountains, but it’s time to work towards some races and new challenges again.”
Lotte @ascent_psychology
(Christchurch)
Photo taken on the Kepler Track
–
Portraits of Runners + their stories
@RunnersNZ
