“I’ve always loved running. The freedom of it. The challenge. The rush!
When I was little we did athletics as a family and Saturday ribbon days were a big part of our summer – fun times with family and friends, and some exercise thrown in there too. What a combo!! But predominantly, my sport was hockey. And then running became just the thing I did to keep fit for hockey. Nearing the end of my hockey days the love of running pulled again – I’d done the Christchurch City to Surf (in March) and thought I’d do the half marathon in June, but decided that if I was going to do the run training, I’d rather go whole hog; so I signed up to the Marathon instead. Leapfrogging the shorter distance was maybe a sign of things to come!
Then life came crashing down around me. I was pushing myself waaaaay too hard in all areas – work, study, sport – and then my beautiful nana died. It was the emotional trigger on the back of complete exhaustion I guess, and I fell apart.
I focussed on my work and finishing my post grad studies and I quit hockey. And my hubby (then partner) helped me quietly put myself together again. Easy walks and runs were part of that. Over the years my work vs my sport became my focus. I progressed to working full time as a physio within the elite NZ sporting environment, and I travelled a huge amount with my work, spending time away from my hubby and kids, sometimes for months at a time. And it was in those times that I rediscovered running. While the team was away training I ran. And ran and ran. It allowed me to explore where we were in the world, but also allowed me freedom and thinking time. And it distracted me from how much I missed my family and how truly unhappy I was becoming because of it.
But I only really ran when I was travelling and not much when home in NZ – it was a weird dual existence and eventually, for a number of reasons, I decided that wasn’t for me. So, December 2017 I left what had been my “dream job” and spent the next 6 months regrouping – spending as much time as possible with friends and family. My job became renovating our home, and running became my solace. I think first I ran to escape and get away from all the stress and anxiety and self-doubt in my head, and then suddenly I was running because I LOVED it again. I could disappear to a trail and think of everything or NOTHING and it was an incredible sense of freedom and control. I’m way more open about my mental health these days – why shouldn’t we be? Stress and anxiety and their repercussions have played a big role in my life, and no doubt will continue to do so. But I find clarity and peace on the trails.
I ran my first ultra (the 50k inaugural Ring of Fire) in April 2018, age 38. It was a ridiculous buzz, I loved it, and I won. I was totally hooked.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the raw beauty and challenge of running the trails is incredible! The purity of trail running and what it gives me remains constant. Physical and mental challenge. The ability to focus… or “un-focus”. To tune in to my thoughts. Or to tune out the noise. The opportunity to meet some incredible, like-minded people – the camaraderie of the trails. And, problem solving along the way, whilst always, ALWAYS continuing to put one foot in front of the other. On race day, out there you are accountable only to you. Your training is yours to prepare you, or not. The problems that arise are yours to work through and overcome. And all of this occurs out there in nature in some incredibly beautiful places I most likely otherwise wouldn’t get to see.
Ultra-trail running has taught me to trust myself again, and I am so very grateful.
That’s why I run. See you on the trails.”
Helene @hbarronnz
(Wanaka)
Photo taken in The Catlins
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