“When I started running, it was out of fear, anger and frustration. I had a lot of hate and anger, along with a lot of physical and mental pain.
Growing up I was the kid who did everything they could to get out of gym class. I faked notes, I threw tantrums, I skipped class. I was so unfit I thought I was dying any time I had to move faster than a waddle.
In my 20’s, after I finished at uni, and started learning a bit more about the world, I sought medical help to relieve ongoing chronic period pain. The pain was so intense I would have panic attacks leaving me physically paralysed in pain. Surgery found no endometriosis, and the post-op surgeon told me I had to “learn to live with it”, and “take tramadol for your monthly pain, and learn to cope.”
That knocked me hard mentally. I spent a few days, probably weeks spiralling into dark places. I was already prone to depression, this really amplified it. “I must be broken. I’m letting my husband down. I’m not a real woman, I’m just a broken piece of flabby flesh.”
I don’t know what the turning point was, but through all of that pain and emotion, it turned to anger. Fuck that guy. Fuck him for telling me its something I have to live with for the rest of my life.
Slowly, I taught myself to run. Fuelled by anger and pain. Away from the fear. Now I run because I am fierce, and it gives me confidence, happiness, health and strength to take on anything.”
Jemma @iamjemabuckland
(Wellington)
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Portraits of Runners + their stories
@RunnersNZ
