“I started running in mid 2020. I’m unsure of the exact date as it was probably going to be another short lived fitness binge. I wanted to drop weight, but in my previous fitness attempts I’d do really well, then lose motivation, get comfortable, and go back to the old ways – gradually putting the weight back on and be as bad as I was before I started. I was 106kg and although active and work/farm fit, I was struggling with health, alcohol and cigarettes. I was externally happy, but internally I was struggling to ‘get out of bed’. It was a pack of wolves at the gate wanting to take my soul. So I committed to a week of getting out the door by 6am for a run…..
I had been fit before. I had run at school with Harriers and the sprint team. I had run in my military career. But after many life challenges, my will to do these things had diminished. A very sick child, an exhausting stint of high stress roles at work, a divorce, and a resulting mid life crisis that revolved around alcohol and poor life decisions, became the mask that I wore. It’s funny what a good woman will do for a man in need, and in an effort to be a long lived husband, helpful son to a father with ill health, and to be a father setting good examples – my running journey began. Some of this of course is in hindsight, the deeper reasons of my why were to be found over the following 3 years.
I don’t run because of trauma, but I’ve realised running soothes my unquiet mind (as it had on many occasions in the past) and allowed the stable, certain me to think. I started running on my road, Peacock Road. My road – a place and name that my grandfather once travelled with horse to the back of the farm. This was my place. It is a gravel road, 4km long, and because of that surface, required trail shoes… which to be fair I didn’t know were a thing [in my young days Bata Bullets where it – IYKYK]. The trail shoes became important later as it was the trails and trail running that I sought out.
I lost some weight, 20kg to be precise and life got better. I moved easier, slept better, was more stable, energetic and healthy. Cigarettes were gone (properly gone, not just hidden from my wife) and alcohol consumption had all but vanished. I still enjoy a beer or whisky on occasion but my new improved self image allowed me to stop and look forward to a good sleep and a productive run in the morning. I signed up for some events, they got muddled up with lockdowns and postponement, but eventually they happened and our local parkrun started officially after months of not-parkruns. So I ran some trail events and some more. I ran some parkruns and volunteered at many more. Inspired by those around me, the RunnersNZ people I knew (all those legends know who they are, and yes the Webbers that’s you too). I found the inspiring Instagram runners who helped motivate me and I tried to be a motivation to those who participated in the Sunday run group – a run that I encouraged as personal motivation for a couple of wee challenges that I had for me.
Why? Why did I start running? I don’t know. Why do I continue? Because I must. I choose to run; to run for fun, for challenge, for great friends, for mental health, for my son who will never know the joy, for my father who worked hard all his life and never ran for joy, for my wife to ensure I live long (but really just to keep up), for inspiring others to do hard things, easy things, fun things. To meet new people on the trails and explore the trials of life, love, loss and mental health. To reach deeper into the well of fatigue, self doubt, success and failure (my recent adventure is another story). To be the authentic me who has the capacity to deal with the challenges that life throws at me, to keep the black dog behind the fence, to help others and to seek others help. But also and most importantly to have fun, to seek out hard things, to never find my limits, for they are hidden in the cosmos.
Do hard things, and do dangerous stuff safely.”
Kendall @peacockkendall
(Waipukurau)
Photo taken at Lake Wakatipu
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