“Why do I run? I sometimes ask myself that exact question when I am out on my long Sunday runs. But in all seriousness I run because I can. I run because it gives me a sense of purpose, freedom, a feeling of happiness; time to think, to process, or simply not think at all. I run because I never thought I would, could or should.
I was always a walker and never saw myself running. I loved walking too much. I walked many half marathons, 2 full marathons and then I walked 100km for OXFAM. Walking started during one of the hardest and most isolating times of my life. I was crippled and controlled by an Eating Disorder at the age of 18. Ten years of feeling lost, depressed and having zero confidence, walking helped on many levels. I felt free from those voices for a few hours. I saw a few therapists, but the one therapy I feel that truly helped was getting outside, and walking.
I decided to give up alcohol at the end of 2018 too. What was once a stress release started to become another enemy! And I knew I had to let go. I wanted a new challenge, a new way to release the stresses of life so I decided I would try running.
I remember my Dad telling me he started running to give up smoking. He then went on to become an elite ultra marathon runner. His determination and commitment throughout his running life certainly took him to many amazing places and his achievements is something I truly admire. His lungs thanked him for it too. Like father, like daughter I too had that determination and commitment to heal from my ED. I healed from a world of pain and addiction. Running (and walking) has been a huge part of my recovery and has given back confidence in all areas of my life. Running has been my therapy.
I always remember stopping every time I saw a car coming! Thank goodness we live rurally so not many cars would drive past. Winning a free entry into the Auckland Half Marathon was my true ticket into the running world. I trained and started to love running just as much as walking. Crossing that line was a buzzy feeling.
My goal for the race was to run the 21km without stopping, and I did just that. Then I went on to run my first marathon this year (2021) and words can not truly explain that feeling of coming down that running shoot seeing my husband and 3 children (plus my Mum and Dad) waiting for me. A family I never thought I would have… I got told I would never have children due to my ED.
That moment of absolute happiness just flooded my whole being. I did something I never thought I could, should or would do. And I felt strong crossing that finish line. Mentally and physically. That runners high is real and I just sailed that wave for quite a few weeks afterwards. That moment of having so much respect for my body and what it had just achieved was priceless!
Setting goals, having the determination to back those goals, trusting the process and believing in the impossible is exactly where I am at on my journey now. My next goal is to run the Tarawera 50km Ultra in Feb 2022.
Everyone has their own journey and stories to tell, this is mine. I am not ashamed of my story, I have come along way and I am ready to go further.
See you out there!”
Kimberley @kim.runs.nz
(Kapiti)
Photo taken at Taupō Marathon
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